Wednesday, July 20, 2005

And so life turns...

It sometimes amazes me how life plays silly tricks on me.
Monday afternoon I was driving home from work when suddenly, out of nowhere, I started to think about this guy I had dated on and off for a few years. It had been a while since I'd heard from him (it was those types of relationships where we both knew it didn't have a future), but somehow I have never been able to get him off my mind completely. He's a great guy and eventhough he has his flaws (as I do), in some aspects he treated me like no other man has. He, of course, was younger than me, and he said that was one of the reasons we couldn't "officially" be together (although the age difference was no problem for my last boyfriend, who was actually younger than him by a few months), and our "relationship" had its ups and downs. Last time I spoke to him (a few months ago), I told him I loved him (he told me first), and that was it... the "relationship" was doomed. You know me and my fear of commitment. If there are feelings involved, I pack my things and leave.
Now, please don't judge me. He had all the requisites for me to actually fall in love with him, but there was this huge space between us... one we could never overcome. We had made it perfectly clear we didn't want to make our "thing" something more than that, yet somehow we kept on giving each other different signals.. I dunno...
The thing is our "relationship" (either because of him or because of me) would never evolve into something else. He gave it all his best, but I admit I always pulled back. He called and called and I was, for one reason or another, unavailable, physically and emotionally. We both had things we needed to improve, but I always thought (and sadly still do) it was not worth it since we were going nowhere.
Anyways, back to Monday. I spent all day Monday thinking about him, specially after I read about him on another Dominican blog. Yep, there is a Dominican blogger that is actually a very close friend of his, and he writes about him on a regular basis and about the parties and the fun they have together. He has even posted pictures of him every once in a while. Of course, that blogger doesn't know me, he doesn't know I know his friend or that we actually had a VERY LONG relationship (we actually went out for a few years, but we managed to never be seen together in public, at least not as dates or a couple).
Come Tuesday afternoon and I was driving down to Gazcue to go get my computer (which wasn't ready by the way ARGH!), when my cellphone rings. IT WAS HIM! OMG! My heart just stopped! He was a couple of cars behind me and he was calling to know how I was. We couldn't speak long because there were AMET officers around and I wasn't wearing my headset, but he managed to pull up and we exchanged a few words while waiting for the traffic light to turn to green.
Apparently he's doing good for himself. He finished college (yes, he is THAT young but I don't care), he has a new job and bought himself a new car. He looked happy and calm. AND HE WAS WEARING AN ORANGE SHIRT! DEAR GOD!
What can I say? I know we're not together and we probably never will, but you will always hold a very special place in my heart. And (now, this is very hard for me to say, but)...


El chico del apto 512 said...

Oh boy, let me polish my Selena and Laura Pausini albums, buy the cheapest wine possible and rent Titanic. We can put the trepasitos and the razorblades away...for now.

Nothing wrong with age difference pumpkin but you might want to open yourself a little bit more to a serious relationship, or at least, try to condition your mind for that possibility. I don't want your life to become an eternal Mariah Carey song. Maybe this is a good chance to re-spark that flame that apparently is starting to resurrect in those ashes. Maybe not, either way enjoy the infatuation, it's bittersweet but so is Soy sauce (it's actually salty but I love soy sauce).

If all else fails move to Miami and we'll get married have kids and open up a Blog school for the unfortunate low-iqued kids. We'll give everyone A+ and everything will make sense!

Bracuta said...

I love soy sauce!
Geez Thomas, you're sooo sweet!
I don't mind the age difference (never have), it was actually an issue with him and not with me.
That flame is well past due, I don't think I'd want to rekindle it.
Yeah, I guess you're right. I think it's time I give myself the chance to actually think about having a serious long-term relationship.. (even the thought of it gives me the shivers!)
The last time I actually had a very long term relationship was some years ago. I spent 10 years of my life with him and I promised myself that the next time I would fall in love was with someone who really deserved it... so far that man hasn't come my way.
Maybe the problem is me, I tend to go for the wrong type... yeah, I know it's me.
Anyways, I'm not looking, but I will try to make myself available if someone comes my way.
If not, I'm giving thought to the moving to Miami thing... Además del Blog school podemos poner una fritura en una esquina y vender muchos yaniqueques, don't you think?