Monday, November 28, 2005

To my friend in the woods...

You called yesterday and it wasn't until today that I saw the missed call!
Why is it that we have this cyclic relationship?
Should I call you?
Should I?
Will we finally get together this time?
I'm afraid...
Maybe I should tell your blogger friend that I want to talk to you.
Maybe I shouldn't.
Too late, he reads my blog, but he doesn't know I'm talking about him or you.
Where will this all end?
Last week I promised myself the past would be the past and I wouldn't look back on it, and suddenly out of nowhere you call...
Does this mean anything?
Are the "Powers That Be" against me?
I don't want to lose my time anymore.
I need to settle down.
I need to stop running away.
I need to face myself.
I need to face life.
I need to embrace it.
I need to let go of all the issues.
I need to let go of all the fear.
Will it be with you?
Have things changed?
Today someone told me he wanted to introduce me to a friend of his.
I'm open.
I need someone new in my life.
I need to let go of all the ghosts.
I need to stop living on the past.
I want the future.
I need the future.
Why do you call then?
Am I destined to be tied to the past?
I don't want to!
I don't want complications, I don't want issues, I don't want secrets, I don't want lies, I want to keep my promises and promises to be kept from the other end as well.
I need someone who wants the same things as I.
I'm almost sure we're not on the same page.
You need to live.
I have lived.
I need security.
I need to know that someone will be there.
I need so many things I know you don't want to give me, or maybe you can't.
I can't go thru this one more time.
I need security.
I need peace of body and mind.
Maybe, I won't call back...
Not maybe, I just won't call back...

4 comments:

Kiki A.Ortiz said...

eso e muy duro..yo c

Elizabeth said...

But what about if you don't call and regret it?

What if it means something to call...

Hopefully you decided the right answerd.

:)

Bracuta said...

Nah, this thing has been going on for the better part of 4, almost 5 years.
We're on different pages. He wants different things from life right now. As for me, what he wants to go thru I have already lived several times.
Last week I decided all the men in my life from the past had to stay there, in the past. I keep on going around the same circle and I just suddenly grew tired of this.
I need fresh meat! They are just not letting me move forward. Es como dice el dicho: no lavan, pero tampoco prestan la batea.
I know this is comfy, always having someone on speed dial and knowing they won't say no, I just need something different right now in this stage of my life.
Yeah, I guess for the first time in many many many years, I'm finally ready to commit. I sent all my "special friends" to hell and decided to start fresh..
SCARY!
(let's just hope I adhere to my resolution)

Anonymous said...

i just loved this post, like you, i'm ready para estar tranquila, pq he tenido unos dias perros, i've been rejected by someone that was my bf, i tryed to fix our problems, but he didn't wanted to, i guess i have to move on....