Monday, December 12, 2005

Important message from Santa Claus!

I regret to inform you that effective immediately, I will no longer serve the states of Georgia, Florida, Virginia, North & South Carolina, Tennessee, Mississippi, Texas or Arkansas on Christmas Eve.
Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies, so please keep that in mind.
I am certain, however, that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole.
He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls, however, there are a few differences between us, such as:
1.There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads "These toys insured by Smith & Wesson".
2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave RC cola and pork rinds (or a moon pie) on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff, so please have an empty spit can handy.
3.Bubba's sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared flyin' coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.
4. You won't hear "On Comet, On Cupid, On Donner & Blitzen" when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead you'll hear "On Earnhardt, on Andretti, On Elliott and Petty".
5. "Ho, Ho, Ho' has been replaced by "Yee Haw" and you are likely to hear his elves respond "I her'd dat".
6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba's sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back Off".
7. The usual Christmas movie classis such as "Miracle on 34th Street" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit IV", featuring Burt Reynolds and Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars running into each other.
8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. I would suggest you make sure the wife and kids turn the other way when he bends over to hand out presents.
Have a Merry Christmas.
Santa Claus
Thanks to Kika for the email


YannyRamz .- said...

Vamos a esperar a Bubba C. entonces.

Anonymous said...

kinda racist huh?